Okay. So, I am not normal. I came into this world feet first, and my whole world has been weird since the moment I took my first breath. Every ounce of me wants to break the pattern of discipline that comes with the way the rest of the world works! I am undisciplined, unbridled, spoiled, and stubborn. I am messy, temperamental, and good grief -- don't even talk to me about my eating or sleeping habits! And then there's the spiritual realm...
Sometimes, I feel like this:
Ok. So back to the horse thing. I don't know one thing about taming wild horses, but I would imagine that the process is tedious, to say the least. I am certain that the disciplining of such a beast would take large amounts of love and trust from the trainer before the bridle ever gets put onto the horse or the bit put into his mouth. There is no such thing as an overnight success here. There won't be any saddles or riders on the back of the animal for quite a while.
But I am no different from that untrained, wild pony when it comes to the hidden matters of the heart sometimes, especially when it comes to obeying the whole truth of God's Word. Some days, it's just easier to choose the parts I like to live, and ignore the rest. But that's not how God expects me to live. He is looking for complete and whole-hearted surrender from me to His way, on His terms... and all for His kingdom purposes and for His glory.
Just to keep it real, here are some of my own areas that I make excuses for ...
That submission (to my HH, to authority... you get the picture) thing. (Just ask HH about this! I am sure he can give you an earful!!!)
Or the gentle and quiet spirited thing. (Doesn't God like me loud and obnoxious??? See the above statement about the submission thing. )
Or discipline and follow through. (Check out the last time I wrote a blog post or stepped on the bathroom scales!)
Or the playing skillfully unto the Lord and with a shout of joy thing. (Practice much???)
He is looking for me to serve and obey Him completely all the time from a heart of love... Disciplined, compliant to Him in every area of my life... not just the ones I like... or that I bring out for the sake of impressing my small group teacher or the pastoral types or whomever else I seem to esteem.
My heart is one tough beast to control sometimes! God will attempt to put a bit in my big mouth and I will turn right around and either a) bite the hand who put it in there, or b) spit that thing out like a watermelon seed at a Fourth of July picnic!!! Then, I will raise my legs and promptly attempt to kick my Trainer in the teeth! (And the scary part is that I am a pretty good shot!)
Nevertheless, God is steady, unmovable, unshakable, unchangeable. His love and faithfulness, along with His gentle discipline drives me to where I am now -- at a point of surrender. I don't know what that looks like. I can't tell you that I really know what that means. I haven't been here before. At least not completely. Not in these areas. What I do know is that God loves this beautiful mess that I am... and that He desires to move in my life, if I will but trust Him by giving Him complete control and allowing Him to teach me His ways.
So, God, tame me. I know without a doubt that I belong to You... and belonging to You is more than just being part of a dog and pony show. It's more than prancing around in a ring and letting others see just how pretty I am. We settled that a long time ago. But I also know that there are hidden areas of my heart that need to be under Your complete control. Take those feral parts of my heart...and break them according to Your ways. I know that this won't be an overnight thing... It will take time and discipline. And I expect it to be painful at times. But You have my permission to do whatever it takes. I'm not looking for blue ribbons here (those belong to You alone.) ... I just want to be an effective witness for you. Maybe when You are done, I will be a picture of beauty and gentleness. Amen.